Migration...

As you may have noticed, I haven't been posting here. I may one day come back to this blog but for now I've migrated to Plans for Motherhood. Come join me!

Why Shouldn't I?

I continue to struggle with my feelings of anger and animosity towards Driver A. I know deep down, this was an accident. He didn't mean for it to happen. He wasn't trying, or even planning,to hurt me. It just happened.

As a result, my life has been changed. I drove for the first time today. It's been three weeks. Daniel had a 7:00 am meeting at work so we were up at 5:30 so he could help me get ready. Needless to say, I went back to sleep after he left. I had my first physical therapy visit today. My in-laws, who have been helping with transportation, were unavailable and Daniel was at work. My options were to walk the 4 miles round trip or drive it. I'm lazy and drove.

I struggle with bitterness for this driver that has changed how I live. I am broken and struggling with normal everyday tasks. As a Christian, I am working hard to forgive.

Jesus was beaten. Criticized. Spat upon. He bled and suffered far more than I ever have or ever will. He was tormented by people that hated him. Betrayed by people that just a week before were singing his praises. Battered and bruised he was forced to carry the instrument of his death through a hostile crowd. He had a crown of thorns thrust into his head. His wrists suffered far greater trauma than mine as the nails were pounded into them to bear the full weight of his body as he hung on the cross to die.

He suffered all of this. Why? For love. To give us the opportunity to be with him forever. As he hung there, after suffering through so much, he said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

This flawless, perfect man took the sins of the entire world on himself for love. He suffered atrociously at the hands of people that hated him. And yet, he forgave them, took care of their punishment, and died for them.

If he can forgive such horrendous things, why shouldn't I forgive Driver A? My "suffering" pales in comparison.

I can't claim to be flawless or perfect but I am loved. I am forgiven. And as a follower of Christ I am to love as he loves, forgive as he does.

Driver A? I know you're not reading this and may never even know this, but I forgive you. It would be my prayer that you are well and find Jesus this Easter season.
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Life with one hand...

So it's been two weeks since my accident. Two weeks since I've washed, dried, and styled my own hair. Two weeks since I've opened a package or completely dressed myself by myself. Two weeks of pain and putting others out with things I can't do. Two weeks since I've driven a car. Six days of lost wages and 14 nights of waking up every two to four hours for pain meds. Currently 11 days since surgery and did I mention that the driver that hit me was apparently uninsured?

Two weeks of lessons about patience. 14 days of being reminded that God has plans for me. 336 hours of releasing my control freak nature. 20,160 seconds of being thankful that I'm alive.

A lot has happened since the accident. I had surgery, we bought a new car, I went back to work, and we hired a lawyer. It's incredibly frustrating not to be able to do the things that you normally did with no problems. It's irritating to alway have to ask someone else to do something for you when you've always done it for yourself. But ya know? Everyone's been incredible!

My husband? He has done so many things for me. He washes my hair and holds the blow dryer so I can style it. Every. Morning. He helps me get dressed, carries my things, and doesn't complain. He handles this whole process in stride. He's my hero. Without him? I'm really not sure what I would've done. I don't even want to think about it!

I still have worries. Such as my knee that was seemingly hit by something in the wreck. It's yet to heal and still hurts quite a bit. I've been on pain meds for two weeks so I have no idea about the damage my back and neck have received. I have no idea what the lawyers are going to find out about the other driver. Whether he has insurance or not, whether or not I'll have to basically sue myself for my insurance money to pay for my medical bills... But ya know? One thing is constant.

I am thankful to be alive. If I didn't have my seatbelt on, I don't think I would've walked away. If I didn't wear a seatbelt and didn't have an air bag? I don't think I'd be here to tell you about the wreck at all. I'm thankful. Thankful that I'm okay with only a broken wrist and a bruised knee. Thankful that everyone else involved is also well. Thankful that I have people that care about me and are willing to step up and take care of the slack. Thankful my insurance company is handling things and we are already in a new vehicle. Thankful.

I apologize if it seems like I'm complaining. It's been a little rough. But God has plans for us. Lessons have been learned that wouldn't have been otherwise. I've been reminded to learn, love, and forgive. Do I wish it hadn't happened? You bet I do! But I'm okay.

I'm okay. I can live with that.

My interesting, albeit painful, week...

I do apologize for the delay on this post. Read to the end and it will make sense.

I started at a new job on Wednesday, March 11th. It's in my town about 2 1/2 miles away and takes me about five minutes to get there. Let's just say I'm thrilled with this new drive time! It's much better than the 45 minutes one-way that I was driving. It's a busy medical office that has had an interesting time itself lately. More on that later... I'm enjoying it but I do tend to leave late every day.

This rang true Thursday the 19th as I dropped off my wedding rings at the jewelers to be re-rhodium-ed, if that's the official term. The same was also true on Friday the 20th. Except today, we were running low on gowns for the office. So according to our contract with a local dry cleaners, I bagged them up and threw them into my car to drop them off and pick up some more. I left the office at approximately 5:40.

As I drove to the shopping center housing the cleaners, I pulled into the left turning lane and stopped at the light. As I patiently waited my turn for the green light, I noticed that the car headed in the opposite direction was trying to speed up to make his left turn before his light turned red. Or at least that's what I thought was happening. "Oh crap, this is going to hurt," was my last thought before he plowed into me head-on going approximately 45-50 mph.

He struck me hard enough to push me into the Blazer behind me but also hard enough to turn me slightly and push me onto the median. My final resting place was at least 20 feet back and facing three o'clock instead of twelve with my rear bumper slightly in on-coming traffic.

My car, a Saturn ION, held up wonderfully. The airbags deployed and played a major role in my safety. My engine crumpled without coming at me. None of my glass was broken. My trunk was squished but again didn't fold up into my back seat. My little plastic car did a good job. I walked away.

I wasn't unharmed but it could've been so much worse. Because I saw the car coming, I did something I knew better than to do. I braced myself against the steering wheel with my left hand. You know, one of those things they always tell you not to do? Yeah, I did it. I had about 10 seconds to recognize what was going to happen and respond. Oh well. That resulted in a broken wrist, in two places. However, that was the extent of my major injuries. I have a pretty amazing bruise directly under my left knee. I mean, it's amazing. Huge and multi-colored. Other than that, I have bruises from my lovely seat belt that saved my life.

I went to the hospital afterwards where they x-rayed my wrist and knee to make sure everything was okay. My wrist, as I said, was broken. My knee was just bruised. They splinted my wrist and gave me the name for an orthopaedic doctor. I went into Dr. O's office on Monday thinking I'd get a cast and would heal in 6-8 weeks. He had something entirely different in mind.

I left Dr. O's office on Monday with a surgery time for Tuesday. Yeah, not exactly what I was prepared for... Basically, I chip fractured my ulna but broke the radius to the joint. Dr O said he could set it manually but the pain would be excruciating and it most likely wouldn't stay there. That would cause future problems as I got older. The solution? A titanium plate screwed into the bone to set it and keep it there.

Sounded good okay to me. And it was, until Tuesday night when my nerve block wore off... The excruciating pain he mentioned? Well, it wasn't avoided. The block wore off about five hours before they estimated it would. I didn't have enough medicine in my system to keep it from going into shock. Let's just say that I hope that's the last time I ever reach a 9 or 10 on the pain scale.

Since then, things have been fairly smooth sailing health-wise. I did, however, find out that the driver that hit me doesn't seem to have insurance right now. Which will be... interesting. Did I mention he was born in 1930? That he doesn't remember the collision? He left in an ambulance with a neck brace on as did the passenger from the Blazer. I think they're okay though. Just the standard annoyingly painful whiplash.

As we fight with this whole mess, we still have to worry about replacing my totalled car. It's been an interesting week. I've gone through several emotions varying from pain to anger to contentment to overwhelmed. Thankfully, I have one more story that proves God loves us. Proves He takes care of us. I could've been much more severely injured but I walked away with only a broken wrist that was essentially my fault. He even cares about the small things and nudged me to drop of my rings so they wouldn't have to be cut off!

Can I say that I'm thankful that this happened as I stand on the verge of possibly suing someone? As I deal with the frustrations of typing and living with one hand? As I worry about being off work for a week from a job that I've only been there a week and a half? No, I'd be lying if I did. I am however, very aware of His hands at work as things are resolving and as our needs are being met. It was better me, who has a support system, a means of being okay, and age on my side for healing than someone else that may not have been in the best of health, without good insurance, or that didn't routinely wear a seatbelt. I'm not happy about it but I know He has a reason and I'm okay with that.

Workin' it out...

God's pretty amazing. Did you know that? Has anyone else experienced that lately? I wrote yesterday all about the trials that consist of my life lately. Today, I'm writing with some solutions, some progress. Happy thoughts! Lessons learned and shared.

Yesterday, I was given a job offer, which I accepted. I currently drive 45 minutes to work, one way. This new job? About 5 minutes. Vast improvement! I'll be doing the same thing I'm currently doing but instead of pediatric surgery, I'll be working for a pain management doctor. Dr. T seems nice. I know things won't be as laid back in his office as they are with Dr. B but I'm looking forward to it all the same. It's a very very bittersweet move. I'm truly going to miss all that I have here. The camaraderie with Dr. B and Ms. E is not something that I'm going to be able to replace. They're much more than just employers, they're my friends. I have to tell them today that I'm going to be leaving them and that's going to be hard. I'll probably cry. Ms. E will probably cry. It's going to be a rough two weeks but busy as I try to get everything together for my last day on March 10th.

Daniel had a job interview last night at Best Buy. Things went well and we're encouraged. We were told that someone would contact him for the third interview soon and would be able to hire him on the spot then. We have a little bit of an inside pull in the fact that another coworker knows people in management at Best Buy. The same coworker has also applied and has been led to believe that they (he and my husband) will get the job. Personally, I think they'd be crazy not to hire them. Both are home audio fanatics and both are well educated in what they do. They would be an assest and require very little training. Who knows! Time will tell!

My great great aunt is still on schedule to move to the rehab hospital today! This is fabulous news! She went into the hospital after falling on February 4th and discovering that she had a bowel obstruction. Through various turns and twists, she is finally doing better and will continue to heal at the rehab hospital for approx. 20 days. Did I mention that she's 88? And the sweetest little thing you've ever met? When she got off of the ventilator after surgery, she was whispering her concerns for everyone else! She cares deeply about those around her and prays continuously for them. Love that little lady to pieces! Please keep her in your prayers!

I have a hole in my sock and my shoe keeps sticking to my foot...

My life has been hurrying right past without waiting for me. This morning is yet another example. In my haste to get out the door on time, I grabbed a sock with a hole in the bottom of it. Sad part is that I didn't even realize it until I was already at work going through my normal opening business routine. Most irritating as my Dansko clogs keep sticking to the heel of my foot.

Life seems to be like that lately. There's a hole in the heel of the sock we call life. We keep getting things situated just right and think everything's going to be okay. Then the sock shifts and we're back tripping over a sticky shoe.

As I've mentioned before, my husband works for Circuit City. Unless you've been living in a cave for the last couple of months, you probably know they're closing their doors. Everyone that currently works there will be out of a job, including my husband. A couple of weeks after this announcement, our state had a massive, disabling ice storm. During this, we discovered that the rim on Daniel's car was broken and had to be replaced. A week later, the arms of his windshield wipers broke and also had to be replaced. The following week, I was told that I could possibly be out of a job soon. Added to these facts, my father lost his job of 33 years, my 88 year old great great aunt has been in the hospital for the last month, and Daniel and I have had some major personal disappointments. It's been a stressful last couple of months.

I'll be honest. I've cried more recently then I think I have in years! I've worried and I've stressed. I've griped and I've complained. I've been frustrated and snappy. In the same token, I know that as a result of these hardships, I've learned lessons that I wouldn't have otherwise learned. I've grown, mentally and spiritually. I have come to realize that it doesn't matter what happens or doesn't happen, God's not going anywhere. He's going to be there, through thick and thin.

He has provided for us through all of this. My aunt is going to be released into a rehabilitation hospital tomorrow after a month in the hospital, 2 1/2 weeks spent in ICU. Daniel's car issues have been solved without straining our bank account because we were prepared with an emergency fund. We both have had good, promising job opportunities present themselves in the last week. My father is working towards becoming a certified computer technician (if that's the correct term), which has been a passion of his for years.

Just as I will change my sock tonight, I'm learning to change my attitude and my outlook. I'm learning to have faith. I'm learning to lean on God. I've always known that God will provide a way but I have never had that faith tested. I've never had dreams dashed before they even had a chance to be realized. But because of these things, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves me. He wants what's best for me (Jeremiah 29:11). Everything that He does has a purpose. Hard times are just that, hard. But thankfully, we have them. It's through the hard times that we can grow, that we realize what we're made of and can improve on it.

Wow... A month? Seriously?

I've missed you guys! Sorry it's been a month since I've posted. It's been a little crazy around here. I've been slaving working away with all the necessary evils of life.

In the last month I have:

Had four photo shoots which means TONS of pictures to sort through and edit.

Hosted an Election party

Written and given a speech for my CPA graduation

Celebrated my brother's 25th and my niece's 1st birthdays

Had a massive gallbladder attack resulting in a doctor's visit where I was told I needed surgery.

Had gallbladder surgery.

Participated in three Thanksgiving dinners.

Finished Christmas shopping.

Filled out and addressed Christmas cards and ordered stamps.

Decorated for Christmas.

Shopping for a friend's wedding on Saturday.

::deep breathe::

I think that's about it... I've been busy. Sorry I haven't posted. When I'm not at work, I'm typically working on photos. You know, gotta work before you can play? You've received the short straw but I'm going to do better. Forgive me?